Sunday, January 31, 2010

Ethereal Entity #24

Where: On my bed

Listening to: Fireflies - Owl City

Tabs open: SD chatroom

Programs open: Msn, Chrome, WMP

I've neglected to carry on with my edit for a few days. Now that I have the whole lot of extracts on the site edited it feels like I can relax and do it at my own pace. Andrew is still helping me. I've been writing the 21st chapter of Book 3, instead. It's involved a lot of trying to adequately explain vampire biology and genetics (yes, I do get this serious about my writing), which has been quite demanding as it's a lot of information to take in, never mind the writing down. Getting it all in a sensible order was bad enough. I knew everything that needed to go in it but I'd just jotted it down haphazardly on a page. When it came to writing it down in one piece, I had to connect it in a logical fashion. It's been hard going but I'm pretty satisfied with the resulting explanation. I'm hoping to catch hold of a friend who does biology so that I can have her read it and see whether she thinks it makes sense from that point of view. Stickler for detail.

Been having some weird dreams lately about my ex's family. Quite a few have taken place at weddings, but there is a recurring theme. In the dreams, his parents are there and they're really nice to me and keep trying to get me to talk to him & get in touch. But I'm always reluctant and afraid like I am IRL (in real life). I had one of these dreams last night (it was at a wedding this time and his mum, dad and sister were there even though the wedding was something to do with one of my cousins...) so when I woke up, I went back to sleep hoping that I'd dream something different and forget it... but instead I dreamt of going to the cinema to see Avatar. Of course, who's on the row behind us but his family. So I left the audience and went upstairs to the guys running the show, knowing that they'd just try to convince me again. And I basically spent the rest of the dream hiding. I don't know if it means something or if it's just pointing to the fact that I'm a scaredy cat and that I'm not assertive, just as he said, but eugh. I don't want to be followed by his family in my dreams. I have enough on my mind to warrant not being told to speak to him in my dreams. I'm supposed to be allowed to escape from things in my dreams.


In other news, I've added the Chrome extensions for Facebook and Twitter, which is good because Facebook keeps messing up on me for some unknown reason and the twitter plug-in has an added link shortener. I said I wouldn't add them because, you know, everybody else was adding them... but I hold the right to be contrary if I want to be. =P The twitter one does kind of annoy me because it has a little colour change every five minutes to tell me someone has posted something new.

I'm also listening to Owl City. I'd seen loads of flair on Facebook about it (flair are like little badge things that you can collect - I mostly collect the ones with amusing slogans on) and I'd thought that I might have a listen, but I just never got around to it. A friend started listening lately and got hooked so I gave Owl City a go. Started listening to Fireflies. My immediate thoughts were that it was rubbish and I turned it onto something else, which was probably Norah Jones. Anyway, I figured I probably hadn't given it enough of a chance so I had another listen later on. Unfortunately, it got stuck in my head. So yeah, I like it. I'm not too sure on some of the other songs in the same album, but maybe they'll grow on me just like Fireflies did.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Ethereal Entity #23

Where: On the sofa

Listening to: Hide and Seek - Imogen Heap

Tabs open: Facebook, Twitter

Programs open: Msn, Chrome, WMP, MSWord

Your trouble is that you don't listen. Your world is practically, hence why you don't understand me a single iota. I am not practical. I am not happy with this misery of an existence. I am not you. I am me and I will never be you. My practical side does not appear unless helping others. I am idealistic. I am unreal. I am not of this world. I am of my world. And my world does not interact with yours. My world is suspended in disbelief. My world is an escapist's haven. That's why I live there, wrapped in its fragile folds. And every time you shatter that fragile wall, you break me a little more inside. You don't realise this and no one ever does. Your words are like a battering ram to the soft drums of my ears. I don't expect you to ever understand this. And you won't read this because, for you, it would mean entering my world and that is something you are clearly uncomfortable with. My bubble is far too frightening and floaty for you, despite the warm reception you would get.

It takes a while for you to be accepted, though. You'll be watched for every step until the inhabitants are sure of you... and if you frighten or hurt them, you will just get a barrage back until you are back outside their walls. And these walls will be quickly, but badly plastered, and they will continue to guard them because that is what they do. Whilst the injured lick their wounds, the angry will hang around to stave you off. The more you try and force the inhabitants out, the more they will resist. And this is me, but you don't seem to understand that...

Few people seem to understand that...

But you'd think that you would. You're supposed to be closer to me than other people, but you feel like an acquaintance.

I hate being me... It's so lonely. Nobody is allowed in because the people I let in hurt me. And every time I let them in, they get closer and closer to the heart of the city. I can't afford to let them in any more. I don't even let my best friends in that deep.
This can't be happening... I like this song. It fits the current mood.

Nobody is allowed beyond the city walls again. Nobody. Ever. They are closed for eternity. No more heartache.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Ethereal Entity #22

Where: In bed still.

Listening to: Find Your Way Back - Michelle Branch

Tabs open: Facebook, SD chatroom, Twitter

Programs open: Msn, Chrome, WMP

Today would have been the anniversary of him asking me out. Yeah. I thought it was getting close anyway, but it's kind of a kick in the teeth to be woken by a calendar alarm you'd thought you'd removed after having a strange dream about said person. I'm not out of bed yet. Sure it's the afternoon, but I'll get up after I've written this. I need to throw my thoughts down. Then I need a large cup of tea. A very large cup.

My left ear was burning quite hot last night. They say left for love and right for spite, yeah? Well, anyway. It was burning and the last time my ear burned it was because I'd major-ly pissed off James in an argument. That was about two years ago, but still. It was an odd enough sensation then. Can't think of anyone who'd have been talking about me in such a fashion at nearly 3am so... I'd rather like to know, as well. According to my horoscope, I'm supposed to be very intuitive today. So great, if somebody was talking about me. If not then maybe I have something wrong with my left ear.

I'm into editing Chapter 3 of DSotM. I'm hoping to finish up editing as soon as possible so I can finish off Book 3. Book 3 is right near the end and there are some major scenes coming up so it needs all of my concentration, really. Book 4 is going to be fantastic fun considering the many things that happen in it. I just need to get there so that I can write it, which involves finishing off 3 first. And to finish 3 I really want DSotM in order. It's all relative, really, at the minute. Sadly, I don't think it'll all get in order too fast because I have so much other junk to sort out too. It's horrendous.

Also need to re-colour my hair. I got a brighter red this time. Still Feria, but yeah. I quite like being a red head and tbh I think it suits me. I always wanted to dye it red... just never had the conviction. Sometimes I get nostalgic for my brown hair but meh. If I hadn't been quite so pissed off I might have talked myself out of buying the colour again. Kinda glad I was pissed off but at the same time; ugh. Still, the red suits me better than something like blonde would. I'd rather be a red head. They have more fun... and the colour suits my underlying nature. Ha ha. My hair's still quite long despite the fact that I had it cut before it was dyed. First time it had been properly cut in years. I think the fact that I was so angry, though, has kind of helped me in certain areas. Pushing myself because certain things said really pissed me off. You don't tell me I'm too afraid to do stuff or whatever because my illogical mind goes:
Right! Well to hell with you! I'll show you! I'm not afraid. I will do this. And then you'll see! It's the same with people who tell me to do stuff or suggest that I do something. I start assuming I'm useless so there's no point in my even trying and the more people go on the more I just carry on head first into my little cloud of desolation and ruin. It's totally stupid and I wish I didn't but it's like a weird instinctual reaction. I just start worrying that I'm letting people down... which only leads to me crawling off into my little escapists' realm.

Right, to get dressed anyway.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Ethereal Entity #21

Where: By my rubbishy desk

Listening to: I Want To Save You - Something Corporate

Tabs open: Daily Horoscope on Facebook

Programs open: Msn, Chrome, WMP

So, I have tax stuff to fill in online. This should be fun. I can't explain how much I dislike numbers. It's not that I can't do maths etc... I just get very stressed about it. It's probably going to take me a while because this is the first time I've done it, too. I've been putting it off, if you can't tell. Oh well. I thought I'd update this first, though, seeing as I didn't make an entry yesterday. I spent the day going to the opticians to set up my direct debit for my contact lenses. Fun fun. It's costing me £15.50 a month. Kind of annoying but hey. Mum had said she'd pay for it for me (seeing as she practically bullied me into getting them) but I guess she forgot about that. They seem to think I have money coming out of my ears. I really don't. For one thing, I had to replace my camera. For another, I have a phone bill to pay every month. She keeps telling me to get rid of my phone, but if I did then she'd complain every time she needed me to get in touch with her because I wouldn't have any credit. She doesn't think about this, though. Then there's the extortionate bus rates to get there and back from uni on certain days. She tells me I should buy a car of my own... I can't afford an effen car or I would! God damn it. And on top of that, I need to eat at uni. I can't take packed lunch from home because my ass of a brother eats everything in the house so there's never anything left. Might just start eating at McDonalds and using my NUS card to get me free food. I have some food vouchers for there actually.

Anyway... less of the ranting, right?

So yesterday I edited a picture of my friend as well. We call him Spanner. That's his nickname. Me and Lucy, however, started a running joke about how he was a superhero and his 'Spanner senses were tingling'. It was mentioned on facebook yesterday. So I photoshop-ed (or rather I used GIMP (General Image Manipulation Program) because I don't have the money to fork out for photoshop) a picture of him. I deleted the background and added a superhero outfit with a cape. Then I cartoonified the whole thing to make it look like it was out of a comic book. It's now on facebook and I'm kind of proud of it considering the response I got. I'm also considering doing a few more, just for fun. I'll have to do them in my spare time, which means in between editing and writing my book as well.

The editing is going really well. The amount that Dark Side of the Moon has improved is extraordinary. I've added the latest version of the prologue to the site and I'm nearing the end of editing Chapter 1. I'm thinking I might split Chapter 1 into two Chapters. It's certainly very, very long now. I think the break might help it. I'm impressed by it, though, because it's suddenly at the level where I expect my writing to be. And I have high expectations of myself where my writing is concerned. Maybe that's because I'm a bit of a perfectionist, but who knows? I like to think that it's made my MC (that's Main Character for those of you who don't know the jargon) a lot more realistic, too. That's something I've always strived for. No matter how much fantasy I put into it, I wanted the people to be so real that you felt you knew them. I wanted even their illogical thinking to seem like they were real people just making a mess of things for what they believe to be good reasons. I'm hoping that it's working. I'll have to ask Andrew McCluskey (NAL Games) - I keep mentioning him because the poor sod agreed to proof read and help me with my editing so I wanted to help him with his quest for gaming recognition. I'm sure he's got gaming recognition anyway because he's been head hunted by YYG (YoYo Games) to work in their offices, but he likes to google himself (that wasn't an innuendo) to see how high his name gets and with a famous cousin who has the same name it makes it that bit harder. So yeah. I'm partly plugging him... again in a non-sexual way. It's the least I can do.

Better get on with this stupid tax stuff anyway... unless someone wants to do it for me? No? Didn't think so. *sighs*

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Ethereal Entity #20

Where: Sitting on my bed

Listening to: TV - Mock The Week

Tabs open: SD chatroom

Programs open: Msn, Chrome, MSWord

So here are a list of things I'd like to say to some people but won't say to their faces. This may pop up now and again.
  • It doesn't matter how many times you say it; it's not going to happen any quicker. You can't get over a relationship in five seconds and you're a fool if you think you can
  • I wish you'd just listen to a word I say.
  • What the hell's going on with you? Are you really distancing yourself or is this just something we're imagining?
  • Most of the time, I just get the feeling that you're using my friendship and don't really give a damn.
  • I'm still mad at you for what happened and I don't think this wedge is going to go away any time soon.
  • I really wish I could feel more for you.
  • Was that really off your own back or did somebody tell you to speak to me?
  • You're a cute kid and sometimes I want to squeeze you tight and tell you that everything will be okay.
  • You have absolutely no idea what you're talking about.
  • I miss our long conversations, but I know you don't mean to distance yourself.
  • I wonder if you mean to be so insensitive or if you just don't think about other peoples' feelings... or if you're trying to push us without saying anything.
  • Are you miserable?
  • I don't know why you're afraid of just telling me the truth.
  • You take everything out on me and it's just not fair.
  • I don't think I'm going to make it.

I should get to editing DSotM. Every attempt I've made has been thwarted tonight. So I shan't say any more in here. I shall go and attempt to edit.

Friday, January 22, 2010

Ethereal Entity #19

Where: Downstairs on sofa

Listening to: TV - The ONE Show about discalculia

Tabs open: Facebook, SD chatroom, Twitter, BBC - ONE Show, Dyscalculia Symptoms

Programs open: Msn, Chrome

Okay so I've moved upstairs since I was going to start this. It's quieter up here... and I wanted to play around with my new camera. Mum doesn't know I have a new camera yet... She may or may not be told. I may hide it from her for a while. She'll yell at me. I am fully aware that I shouldn't throw money away... but it is so tempting... and my other camera broke and is not fixable. At two years old, it's not been a bad camera. In fact, it's been a bloody good camera, which is why I bought another Samsung. Admittedly I thought I'd broken it about a minute after I played with it and it blacked out, refused to come back on and had the lens stuck out... Turns out that it obviously hadn't charged enough whilst I was out. I actually nearly had a heart attack. I mean it. It cost me enough money and to think it had broken I was inwardly distraught... like a cowboy not shedding a tear for fear of being weak. Okay. So I'm over exaggerating. Did you really expect any less? On a more serious note, it's actually a really awesome camera. It's the Samsung ST550 one in red and black with the two lcd screens and touch screen capabilities. I already love it. I'll have to name it. I named my laptop so it would only be fair. It can be called Jeremy... probably mainly because I've been reading Kelley Armstrong's '
Stolen' lately and there's a character called Jeremy in it. Plus, it kind of looks like a Jeremy.

On another note, I was awake until 6am this morning completing a ridiculous essay. Well, to be honest, the essay isn't actually ridiculous but the fact that our module lecturer didn't seem to know what she was doing and the essay titles didn't really correspond to what we'd been taught made it ridiculous. The essay question I decided on was the one about an author and the influence of the time in which they grew up on their writing and how their work impacted on children's literature. I chose Beatrix Potter. The title I devised was 'A detailed consideration of Beatrix Potter’s works and their ensuing legacy within children’ s literature.' I don't think it was very good but right now I don't care. It was the best I could do without very much guidance. Not that I'm blaming the lecturer on my own because everyone else taking that module was under the impression that she wasn't very good either, which is kind of sad because I felt sorry for her. Nobody in the room really respected her opinion and quite frankly she gave us little reason to. Shame because she seemed quite nice as a person.

And Andrew McCluskey (NAL Games) will be happy that I've written this entry. I've left it two days and apparently he needs his fix. I don't see why. My life is hardly that interesting. I just like to have a place to moan. Moaning is always fun. That might be because I'm unequivocally English, though. And everybody knows the English like to have a good long moan. Is it immature that I amuse myself with that double entendre? You're probably nodding your head and saying, "Yes Rebecca. It's very immature." I'm hoping you're also saying, "But we still love your crazy little self." And, just a note, I'm not little. I'm 5'5... That makes me pretty average... Yeah, having three brothers hasn't made me self-conscious about my height at all. Still, I'm taller than my mum so it's alright.

I think I'm going to take my special eyes out and go feed my cats, actually. By special eyes, I don't mean I have fake eyeballs I put in to convince the world I can see when really a shark tore them out when I was three and on my daddy's boat. My dad doesn't even have a boat... and I don't think I've ever called him 'daddy'. My special eyes are my contact lenses and after a long day, they're beginning to annoy me. They're not as difficult as I thought they were going to be. They actually feel like you have an eyelash in your eye for a few minutes when you first put them in, but then they settle down and you forget that they're there... which can be a bad thing. You don't want to fall asleep in them, for instance. My brother did last night. He was telling me that they restrict oxygen to your eye and you could go blind. He was panicking at the time as he usually does. He's quite a fierce hypochondriac. I believe that that could happen but I'd guess that was if you left them in longer than he did. Oh well.

Anyway, Smokey (that's the cushion/teddy-obsessed cat) wants his dinner. So I'll tie this off and write again soon. Goodnight world!

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Ethereal Entity #18

Where: On my bed

Listening to: Norah Jones - Tell Yer Mama

Tabs open: Facebook, SD chatroom

Programs open: Msn, Chrome, MSWord, WMP

I've been reminded twice to write this today... It's not that I need reminding; I just don't really have anything specific to talk about. Part of me is feeling the familiar tug of 'I don't know what to do with myself' and 'where on earth is my life going'. Maybe it's just the fact that it's a new year and it's near my birthday (21
st February people). I'm not that old... but it just makes me wish that my most heartfelt desires would, for once, come true. Maybe part of this downer is the fact that I've used up my energy on being happy and friendly, today, already. Ridiculous, really. It's quite funny. I read somewhere (and writing this just reminded me) that Pisces don't tend to have a lot of energy and what energy they do have is spent on the people around them instead of on themselves. I think that's pretty true in my case.

I wish I wasn't so difficult, sometimes.

There are sides to me that pretty much nobody sees. It's not that I don't want them to, but I just feel incredibly vulnerable. And I can't stand feeling vulnerable. I don't like showing people my weaknesses, which is an easy indicator as to why I hide behind being a bit of a freak most of the time. And then I have my pride. I'm extraordinarily proud... but I've learnt, over the years, how to let go of it a bit better. The vulnerability and the fear, however, take me a bit longer to sort out in a situation before I plunge in... I'm not a risk taker. I like playing it safe. I've become a bit more adventurous really, but to be honest that's mostly because I'm cutting off my nose to spite my face (to coin a phrase).

Anyway, I have some editing to do on DStoM so I should get to that and stop procrastinating and moping. Because nobody likes a moper. =P

Monday, January 18, 2010

Ethereal Entity #17

Where: On my bed

Listening to: Jazz

Tabs open: Facebook, Twitter, SD chatroom

Programs open: Msn, Chrome, MSWord, WMP

Do you ever wish that you could fall in love with a particular person because you know that they are lovely and that they would treat you right and you'd be so great together? I kinda do... But I just don't love them and I won't lie to myself and say that I do. I wouldn't lie to anyone about that feeling. Nobody should lie about something so beautiful and take its name in vain. Nobody. People just don't seem to care, though. They're so fickle. Still, how is it that you fall for somebody that really you shouldn't like because some of their traits drive you up the wall and you have the same passions and passionate ways so that you could easily end up in a massive fight? And how is it that you should love the ones who can be the cruellest to you and hurt you at your most vulnerable parts? Why can't you fall for the ones who you can give reasons for loving? I mean, the kind people who listen to your every word and take care of you and let you be who you are and ignore anything you do that could be irritating and they listen to your dreams and encourage you... Why is it that we can't fall in love with them? Why do we have to love the ones that crush us?

It would be interesting if someone had an answer. I know someone asked me why I loved him once... He seemed to expect that I had an answer. Maybe he thought that I'd tell him it was because I thought he was handsome or I thought he was clever etc etc... I don't think physical things can contest with a connection. A real connection. How can you give an explanation as to what that is? I mean, what's the definition of love?

Apparently this is the definition: a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

Why do you love me? Because I feel profoundly tender and passionate and affectionate for you. But why?

But why indeed. I don't know. I don't have an answer for that question. It evades me. For the person I loved before, I can answer. I thought I needed him. But you? No. No idea. Not a clue. I don't know what it was that made me want to say it to you. I can tell you why I held it back for so long: You weren't ready to hear it. I don't think you were even ready to hear it in reply to you..

So reading this, you're going to assume that I love a man for no reason either because I didn't really love him or because you can't really explain why love comes into being. You can't grow love and you can't demand its presence. You just can't control it. It's there... I guess. Whether you want it or not.

And if you deny it you're a fool.


Sunday, January 17, 2010

Ethereal Entity #16

Where: In the armchair downstairs

Listening to: The American version of The Office because nothing else is on

Tabs open: Facebook, Twitter, SD chatroom

Programs open: Msn, Chrome, MSWord

I nearly forgot to write in here until Andrew McCluskey (NAL Games) reminded me as is his new duty. I'm in a real writing mood but I have most of DSotM to edit. I finally finished editing the Prologue (it's up on my official site now so click the link in my sig and find the extracts page). I just stole the ham and sweetcorn pasty that was left for my brother... I'd feel bad but he stole my Christmas dinner one year. We're weird like that,

I haven't really got a lot to talk about today. I've spent most of it sitting here editing my prologue and I'm pretty knackered now. You'll probably notice because I'll probably typo and repeat myself a lot. I think I'm going to go to bed after I've written here.

So... well... My brain is actually coming up with nothing to write about, which is completely unusual. I'll finish Bk3 soon... which will make me immensely happy because Bk4 is going to be so much fun. And I keep making typos so I'm going to sleep. Yeaaahh...

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Ethereal Entity #15

It would probably be better to start this journal off with a kind of format. So here goes (I'll probably forget to do this next blog time):

Where: Sitting on my rubbish spinning chair in my tip of a room (but at least the chair is red) at my desk

Listening to: Luke Pickett - Going Down With This Ship

Tabs open: Facebook, Twitter, Authonomy, The SD Chatroom

Programs open: WMP, Msn, Chrome, MSWord

So now you know pretty much everything that I'm doing... or at least, that I'm supposed to be doing. To be honest, I need to stop slacking on things and spending so much time in the chatroom (links on the board index right at the bottom by the way) but my sleeping pattern is what we like to call fooked, so I wake up, feel crappy, crawl online and cheer myself up by talking to random people that I know on the internet. Most of them are quite cool. Some of them are just... odd. Like RedChu AKA RC (Greyson Wright) with his constant TMI. I mean, really, how much information has a boy got to give when he's going to the bathroom? Other than that he's kind of cool. He does, however, remind me of my cat. I have five cats so I suppose that might not narrow it down.

To be more specific, Greyson reminds me of Smokey. Smokey... well... When we got Smokey it was because my mum rescued him. He's a bit brain damaged, but lately he's been annoying me quite a lot. I don't know if it's because he's matured and yet his brain isn't quite right or what. He's been neutered so I'm at a loss. What he's been doing, though is basically raping anything furry and still. He does that thing where he presses his paws up and down and starts purring. Now his purring is extremely loud. You can hear it from the next room, but then he starts getting... how shall we say.. 'excited', and that's when I get worried. I understand that he's a cat and he has his needs but really? He has to attack furry cushions? I caught him with my purple teddy bear. He'd picked it up in his mouth like a dog (this is one of his other things. He's under the impression he's a dog. Personally I don't get it but apparently he thinks 'dog' suits him better than 'cat'. In all honesty, he's more of a shadow because he's grey and he likes to follow me from room to room) and then taken it into the bathroom where he started his bizarre ritual. I don't know what to do about it except hide all the furry things I have - which isn't fair because I have a faux fur throw to keep me warm on my bed. I suppose at least he isn't doing it to me or something. If I wake up in the middle of the night with a cat on me doing stuff I think I'll be traumatised for life... not that I'm not already traumatised enough.

I given Andrew McCluskey (NAL Games) the job of making sure that I write in here. Hopefully he won't forget. I told him to put it on a post-it note. That way there's two of us. He's my second in command on the chatroom, too. I'm not sure how I could describe Andrew to you. Closest is maybe a mixture between the Snowman and Little John (on the Robin Hood Disney version of course). One day, I'll think up a better description. He'll probably read this and his response will be somewhere between 'WTF?' and secretly being quite pleased.

Anyway, I started editing Dark Side of the Moon... I started writing it when I was 15 and even though I know that some of it needs redoing I can't help but feel terrible when I have to delete bits of it to make way for new bits. Part of me wishes I could print it out and move certain pieces around or cut them out then stick them together again whilst adding new bits in. I think that would be kind of messy, though. I should really get back to doing that. I'm going to get a glass of water, first, though, I think. There were a lot of commas in that sentence.

I've become rather attached to commas over the years. I like putting them in because they help to navigate the flow of a sentence. You can help to decide how fast it is jut by adding or deleting some commas. What I don't like is when people just put them in randomly or before 'and' when there really is no need for them to be there before that 'and'. I think another reason why commas attract me is perhaps that I write poetry when I'm in the mood for it. I've always written poetry quite well. With poetry you can make things twist and turn for no apparent reason. That's what is so good about poetry; it's writing for the love of writing something and not because you have some purpose or particular story to tell. I tend to write poetry more when I'm feeling overcome by emotion. It's an excellent medium to convey your emotions through. The only other medium that could compare is perhaps a painting, but then you're not necessarily conveying your emotion; you're conveying the emotion of the scene and that is most certainly up for interpretation. I had to do an essay for my A Level Art course. I can't remember exactly how many words it was but I enjoyed it because I'd never had the opportunity to contrast and compare visual work before. It was actually a really good experience because, even though I wasn't too sure on how to write it, it allowed me to see how much was open to interpretation and I think it aided my ability to write, too. When I say that, I don't mean my ability to write essays. I mean that it helped me to write the description of a scene in a story. It helped me to see much more how I could bring to an environment through pathetic fallacy.

Anyway, I really need that glass of water. =P

Friday, January 15, 2010

Ethereal Entity #14

Updates, updates, updates:

-- Well for one thing, the Mafia game ended - MQ turned his hog out and blew the game. Then I got banned by my lovely brother and am now trying to start one on here. Awesome, huh?

-- New Years... Well... What can I say? It was great because Susie was there. It was not so great because they started playing the same song as last year when I was looking in that direction and I just couldn't hold the tears in any more. Then me and Susie unfortunately had our arses felt up by Charlie and I slapped him across the face.

-- I've got my contact lenses. My eyes tear up something dreadful when I put them in but hey ho.

-- Got my new laptop - His name is Pippin, he's red and he's a Dell with MICROSOFT WINDOWS 7! EFFEN FTW, PEOPLE!!!!!

-- And the DA is currently down for one reason or another. Things will get sorted out so you need to bear with us. I'll send you an update when it's finally sorted. Sorry for the delay, guys.

-- I joined Twitter! My username is 'jocastalizzbeth' so follow me please!

-- Still attempting to get a literary agent for my book. [Nearly finished the third btw]

And I think that's about it. At the moment, I am sitting in my room telling myself that I should get my sorry self to continue editing book 1. I should really start calling it a manuscript, but to me it's a book. Just discovered - whilst procrastinating from writing this - that the status of my cousin's I commented on has been deleted. That must be because I have a sense of humour and put in caps lock as a reply that she should become a timelord as she was saying she should give up and change her career choice. I'm guessing that I'm still not in favour with her then. Oh well. That's her loss obviously.

Reading that back, I must come across as really arrogant over the 'net. I'm really not. I just take the mick out of myself, to be perfectly honest.

One thing that really is annoying me, though, is the amount of people attempting to get me to go back to foocow to RP. It's a writing based RP (role play) site, if you didn't know, and it's the place where I started writing collaboratively on the 'net. I had quite a few people there that I had to thank for such an increase in the quality of my writing but sadly most of them have disappeared off the face of the Earth. A few of those that I was closest to are still around and I'm glad of that because we still write collaboratively and they read my personal stuff to help me with it. Still, foocow was where I started out and if it wasn't for the kindness of some members I would never have started writing so well. I do agree with people who say that RP writing is some of the hardest you'll ever do. And it really does help you because you see so many different styles and you get to bounce your work off others.

My point is, I don't appreciate the people trying to take me back there. I'm currently with a better community (when we get our site back up) and we don't have the horrible politics there that we had with foocow. I mean, at foocow everybody has their back up and you're watching over your shoulder to see who is talking about who and there's the gossip etc etc. When I left, personally, it was because of the lies and the lack of trust in the staff from the then main owner who set up a new owner that we had recently demoted without consulting everyone. It was utterly unfair and there was a lot of backhanded-ness as well as people pointing the finger of blame at people who didn't deserve it. Anyway, I came to realise as time went on that I was a lot more relaxed and that there was no stupid politics on our new site. When it gets back up it's a great community and the people on it are absolutely lovely - and I'm not just saying this because I'm an admin. Foocow holds quite a few bad memories for me as it is. I don't want to revisit that. And to be honest there were quite a few members I didn't agree with on there. That site has memories of pain and upset for me... not to mention being frightened out of my wits that a guy I was talking to was going to seriously hurt himself (not naming any names here).

So I'm happy being away from foocow.

On another note, I'm helping NAL (Andrew McCluskey - yes, I'm full naming him so that he gets some more google search kudos) by writing him a story line for an interactive novel. I'm not sure how long this collaboration will take seeing as neither of us has attempted it before, but it was something that he's wanted to do for a while. He suggested it and I thought it'd be pretty interesting. There's also the plus that I'll get some recognition for the writing and that can go on my portfolio that I'm trying to build up. I'm also going to be helping RedChu (Greyson Wright) and MelonYoshi (William Pluta) with their online magazine, '
Overbyte', when they need it. I'm trying to build up the credit because it should help me with an online profile and I've heard that you're usually more successful with your writing if you have a good online persona (hence the Twitter and the LinkedIn profile etc).

I've found out quite a lot of good information since joining Twitter, actually. Following the publishers and agents is turning out to be an excellent plan. You can pick up tips from them. You can also follow authors or other aspiring authors (like me). So thanks to Andrew McCluskey (NAL) for suggesting that too.

I've added a guestbook to the front of my site, too. So if you read my journal for whatever reason and you feel like dropping me a line then don't be afraid to leave something at That's a shortened version of the link so if you want to show it off anywhere then please feel free. Any help you want to give is gladly taken and much appreciated. I don't update this as often as I should, to be honest. So if you want to know what's going on in my life everyday you're better using my Twitter.

I'm not sure what else I could tell you, quite frankly. We seem to have covered all the issues at the forefront of my mind - except the not sleeping well. I need to go take out my contact lenses anyway, so I'll sign off and hope you weren't bored by my ramblings.

And to finish: