Friday, October 19, 2012

Lugubrious Entomology

Lots of thoughts running through my head lately about money and such. I hate money. Horrible cold stuff that brings misery and greed.

I keep looking at rentals and then I look at jobs, because I reckon I probably need quite a few more hours before I could afford anything properly. It even got to the point where I entertained the idea of looking for jobs/places to live in York or Scarborough. I don’t know, though. I think I’m just tired and a little despondent.

There’s so much going on in my neck of the woods. All I seem to be doing is working and getting tired and worn out for absolutely nothing. I don’t spend my money on anything I want. The things I want to spend my money on, I can’t afford. It’s like this whole cycle of things is utterly pointless and it’s utterly destroying.

I can’t even find time to write without feeling like it’s pointless because I’ve left it so long and it will all just be out of sync and horrible. Maybe I just hate everything in that regard right now.

I don’t even feel like I can be there for friends because whenever they need me, I’m at work or I’m tired. And that makes me feel like a terrible friend.

Other than bashing my head against a wall, lately, I don’t know what to do with myself. There’s so much going on at home and I just can’t escape it. There’s nowhere I can go. Because in the end, I have to come back here and all I can think of is how there’ll be yet more rubbish to pile on as soon as I get back.

Also, there are too many thoughtless people in this world who don’t consider their own actions in regards to other people. Instead, they just keep going and going. They just keep upsetting people and causing more stress and more worry with only thoughts of themselves until something goes wrong when everybody else is to blame.

I’m at work tonight. I enjoy this new job. There are people there I really like and get on with, but I’m so tired. I’m so tired of all the crap going on. I just want to lie down and sleep and not have to wake up until it’s all over. Maybe until the human race has finally destroyed itself and the people left over don’t have to deal with the inanity of this stupid modern life with stupid people and stupid problems that just seem to go on and on and revolve around idiocies and money.

Ugh.

Just having a rant today. I’m sorry. I have to write it out somewhere. There’s no time to tell the people I want to tell because there’s no quiet place to sit and talk about it without feeling like people are going to hear; without feeling like it’s a public conversation instead of a private one.

Anyway, #SatSunTails judging will be up shortly. Again, I’m horribly sorry for the delay.

1 comment:

  1. I can relate to this, spending about 40 hours a week learning so that I can get a job somewhere along the line which will make me happy. It's a very distant light at the end of the tunnel, though, and for now I'm feeling terrible that I'm sponging off my parents.

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