Friday, October 04, 2013

Winners of the 58th #SatSunTails #Microfiction #Competition

You can help by promoting next week’s #SatSunTails on your blog or by giving the post a +1 or a tumblr reblog or click the ‘tweet this’ link up on the right hand side or share from the facebook fan page or retweet from my twitter page to spread the word.

Or, even better, go on the #SatSunTails twitter search results and retweet other entrants.

The more people that hear about #SatSunTails, the more entries there are and the better the competition becomes!

If you are on twitter and you’d like an @reply every weekend to remind you that the competition is open then please leave a note regarding this along with your twitter handle in the comments of this post so I can set that up for you.

But for now, let’s get to the winners!

The Written Prompt

creeping through the window

Runner Up Mentions

@Leo_Godin -

Simple in its tone and thus more striking.

@reravelling -

Interesting and well written, though the ending could have had slightly more impact in regards to what has happened to the girl's mother.

Overall Winner

@jezri1 -

Great. Just the right amount of subtlety.

Old Flames

Emma read the text message again. It hadn’t changed. Things were still over between her and Steve. She squeezed her phone, stopping short of cracking the screen. Who the hell did he think he was? It’s not you, it’s me. Damn straight it was him. She was awesome, he was dirt. She’d even let him stick his pathetic prick in her and now he was dumping her… for Jessica Kidwell. Well to hell with him. He wanted to burn bridges, she’d help him out.

Steve flung his arm over Jessica’s sleeping body. God, she was hot. And sane. He really dodged a bullet with Emma, all that talk about marriage. Then he’d heard what she’d done to her last boyfriend. Time to say adios… but from a distance. Slowly he became aware that something was burning. He sat up and looked around. Was that smoke slipping in through the window?

Critique Mentions

Now, as promised, I shall critique those entries that didn’t make it. Sometimes it can literally come down to the smallest things.

Peter -

It seemed like an interesting start for a longer tale and, thus, could have done with slightly more plot to it. My main point, however, was that this ‘closet-like-sized’ was just confusing and unnecessary. It can be either ‘closet-like’ or ‘closet-sized’. To have both is just not needed as they convey pretty much the same thing.

@NadaNightStar -

There were a couple of things, such as the repetition of 'sat'. You could have just said 'They smoked in the darkness' the second time instead. Also, you started with what seemed like a list of facts at the beginning, cutting to the main scene without warning so the reader at first things you're just continuing the list. I would also recommend less names. If they aren't conducive to the plot then just refer to them with common nouns instead of finding proper nouns for them. It confuses the reader less and leaves them more focused on who is important and what is going on.

Thank you to all of those who entered.

The criticism is never meant to harm. It is there to help you better your writing and someday win overall. I’m sure it will also benefit those who were not criticised. I hope this has helped you in your writing as well as encouraged you to join in again next week!

Click here to read the other mentioned entries.

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